MMTT4S - Fins up!

Captain's log: 14 July 2019, pretty far inland

Dun dun....................dun dun.......................dun dun.......dun dun......dun dun.....dun dun...dun dun...dun dun dun dun dun dun!!!!!!

Image from back of Buffett's
Barometer Soup CD Info Book

Few animals rival our position at the top of the food chain: Lions, tigers, bears, killer whales, hippos, alligators, crocodiles, Everglades mosquitos, Goliath Birdeater Tarantulas, Insane Little League Moms, fire ants. While we have certainly won plenty of battles with the predators on this list, we've been on the losing end as well. Accept for the Goliath Birdeater Tarantula. No human has actually seen one of these things in person and lived to tell about it. Not because they were immediately attacked and eaten whole (that probably happened later), but because they caught a glimpse of a hairy spider big enough to eat birds and their heart stopped immediately from sheer terror. They do exist, though. We first learned about them from stories passed down from ancient talking macaws. The space station has documented sightings as well, which were then followed by documented instances of crew member deaths by sheer terror heart stoppages.

Whenever you invade the habitat of one of these types of animals, you better be on your toes. Paddle boarding the Nile is not smart. Sitting around a campfire eating cooked meat in Tanzania or a subalpine meadow in North America is risky. You're asking for trouble when you invade the stands at a coach's pitch youth baseball game.

Another animal that makes this list is the shark.

Image courtesy of sharktrust.org

Today is Shark Awareness Day! I searched the area drug stores for a Shark Awareness Day greeting card, but to no avail. I guess I must be too far inland here in West Texas. Not sure who (or what) I'd send it to anyway. Maybe a hippo. Hippos seem like they'd appreciate a nice card, especially since they are the only herbivore on the list. They must really be perturbed to attack humans when they don't even eat us. A friendly note might go a long way.

A day to promote shark awareness may seem to be a little unnecessary at first. I mean, when I'm sitting on my longboard out in the Atlantic I don't assume that the sharks see me and think, "Hold up! Surfer alert! We're outta here!" To the contrary, I know I'm playing in their backyard. If a great white decides to eat me, I'm most likely a meal. I would not go quietly, mind you, but I know the odds would not be in my favor. So, I don't need to be reminded to be aware of sharks while in the sharks' home.

Plus, accept for the occasional SHARKNADO!!!, there's really no need to worry much about sharks unless you're in their home. Unlike gators that can attack on land and water, or the Goliath Birdeater Tarantula that can fly through space, time, and even dimensions to reek holy havoc on life as we know it, sharks are only adept swimmers. Thankfully, pouncing out from a shrub is not their specialty. Being aware of sharks while hiking through the Rockies is extremely low on the checklist.

So, do we really need a day to remind us the importance of shark awareness?

Well, for me the day actually reminds us to be aware of the importance of sharks. I don't need to give you the details of the shark's vital contribution to our ocean's ecosystems when you can find more than enough online. Check this out from Sharktrust.org.

Image courtesy of bog.mtgprice.com

In honor of Shark Awareness Day 2019, today's tropical tune is Jimmy Buffett's "Fins" from his 1979 album Volcano. In concert, this song produces quite an amazing spectacle - tens of thousands of fans sing in unison "...fins to the left...fins to the right," and shift pretend fins created by flattening their hands together above their heads from left to right in sync with the chorus. Having viewed this more than once from the very back of the venue (the seats I can afford), I am always blown away that so many people who have been tailgating all day can pull off such a coordinated maneuver. And everyone does it. Impressive site to see. I highly recommend it.

Buffett's song doesn't really refer to the predators from the ocean, focusing instead on the landshark - those guys that spot a good looking lady (bait) and start circling and schooling around her, waiting to swoop in for the big bite - most likely a cheesy pick-up line that drops like a lead weight to the ocean floor. This idea of the landshark has produced lots of interesting costumes at Buffett tailgates and has even resulted in his beer Landshark Lager. When seen in their habitat, landsharks are sometimes easily recognizable - heavy musk cologne, slick-backed hair, shirt unbuttoned one or two buttons too low to reveal a gold chain or 2 that is nestled in some thick black fur. When they speak, their tongues drip honey like, "Is your name Wi-fi, because we have a connection," and "Did you eat Lucky Charms for breakfast, because you look magically delicious." Unlike the actual shark, landsharks are usually just annoying, and watching their attempts during a feeding frenzy is pitiful and hilarious.

So, instead of hugging a hammerhead or leading on a landshark, kick back today and listen to "Fins." If you're in the sharks' habitat, respect them, appreciate them, be aware of them. If you're not, pretend you are. Maybe have a Landshark Lager to help transport your mind to that tropical locale.

Whatever you do, DO NOT think about the Goliath Birdeater Tarantula. Ever.

Image courtesy of Amazon.com