This is an excerpt from the Book of Walter - Chapter 25. It appears to be in honor of his 25th wedding anniversary, which just so happens to fall on this date - October 1st.
And it was, during the reign of Bushes, when George Herbert
Walker sat upon the throne, the Lord looked down upon the arid land of his
people. Yay, though it were no land flowing with milk and honey, the land did
flow with crude oil and steak.
Indeed, the Almighty had blessed the land with longhorns,
mesquite trees, pump jacks and prickly pears, brisket and beans. He looked down
upon his creation and said, “It is good…especially the brisket.”
Then he looked upon Walt, a visitor to the land, and said,
“It is not good. For it is my desire for Walt to have a companion. Plus, he
needs somebody to keep him straight, the big dummy.”
And it was, in the darkest hour of the night, God sent down
an angel to his young and fair servant Emily, descendant of a line of successful
jock strap salesmen, with beauty like the bluebells that bloomed along the hill
country. The angel blinded Emily and temporarily removed her sense of good
judgement.
And it was, in that same evening, God spoke to Walt saying,
“Verily I say unto thee, go and make Emily your wife. She shall neither see nor
think straight for 40 days and 40 more plus 40. And throw the number 7 in there
for good measure.”
Suddenly, the heavens opened, and parrots and
coconuts reined down upon the land surrounding Walt and with a thunderous
voice, God said, “Now is your chance. Don’t blow it, idiot!”
Walt did as commanded by the Lord, for occasionally he chose
well.
Walt and Emily were married in God’s sight and much
merriment occurred, for many across the land considered it a miracle that Walt
would have a wife, much less one so lovely and wise as Emily. Those gathered at
the wedding exclaimed, “This is a sign! God is with us! We shall no longer feel
hopeless! For if Walt can marry, anyone can do thus.”
Others brought forth an argument claiming, “It is not so.
Emily must have been blinded and out of her mind.”
To which the larger throng of people, who were still making
merry, replied, “Oh shut up!”
And from that day forward, Emily and Walt were married.
Soon thereafter, Walt took his wife Emily, and travelled
back to his homeland of palmetto trees and food from the sea, much to the
dismay of Emily’s mother, whom Emily loved very much. Yet a covenant was made
that whenever Emily desired to return to visit the Land of Brisket, she shall
be given passage…unless basketball practice interfered with the dates.
Walt praised God for blessing him with in-laws who were
absolutely awesome as well as a family who welcomed home their prodigal son (although
they were actually more excited to bear witness to Emily, who was laden with
child).
Emily bore a son and daughter to Walt. As the years passed,
both children grew in favor with the Lord, spreading joy wherever they went
through art and drumming, loving others and serving well. Many with whom they
came in contact exclaimed in disbelief, “These are the offspring of Walt?”
To which came the reply from those who were wise, “Yay, do
not forget that these are also offspring of Emily.”
And those who questioned were satisfied and said, “Oh yeah –
you right.”
Walt was grateful to God for blessing him with his family,
especially Emily, and after 25 years together, he sat down and scribed this
account upon his MacBook Air for all to read and enjoy in the wonderment and
incredulity of his blessings. Amen.
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